We hope you’ve been practicing good self-care after the dreadful past weeks.  If you're still trying to manage the overwhelming emotions check out our tips on Self Care When The World Feels Unsafe.

This week we’re revisiting our pleasure series and finishing the other half of 10 Sex Myths That May Be Hurting Your Relationship.  If you missed the first half, find it by clicking HERE.

Now let’s jump in and find out if you hold any of these beliefs about sex.

Great Sex Should Come Naturally in Happy Relationships:  Getting along with your partner and having a strong relationship helps but it doesn’t guarantee that your sex life will flow naturally.  (It can help though!)  Communication, patience,  and remaining open to learning more about yourself and your partner is also necessary.   Yet fear often arises when a couple discovers that desire often needs to be cultivated.  Like other areas of life, effort is also needed to maintain a satisfying sex life.  Even couples with healthy, happy relationships can find that over time it may take longer to feel aroused.  That's OK! It will require effort, but try viewing it as an opportunity for fun exploration instead of a chore.

Vaginal Sex Alone Should Bring a Woman to Orgasm:  According to the American Sexual Health Association only 30% of women reach orgasm through vaginal penetration leaving 70% requiring more clitoral stimulation.  The reality is most women do not experience a vaginal orgasm. Books such as Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Sex Matters for Women, Second Edition: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self by Sallie Foley, Sally Kope, and Dennis P. Sugrue are wonderful resources for learning more about the female body, female sexuality, and pleasure.

The Closer We Are As Partners The Better The Sex Should Be:  Author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence & psychotherapist, Esther Perel, is best known for encouraging partners to maintain autonomy especially in monogamous relationships.  Perel explains how familiarity and predictability often decrease passion within a relationship.  By maintaining an identity outside of the relationship partners are more likely to be drawn to one another and cultivate desire.  Who are you outside of the relationship?  What types of activities, hobbies, interests do you enjoy? Do you still make time to enjoy them?

Orgasm Should Be The Ultimate Goal in Sex:  Sex can become intimidating and burdensome when all the emphasis is placed on achieving orgasm.  Orgasm as the main purpose for sexual exploration can contribute to performance anxiety and often results in disappointment.  Instead try shifting the focus to “pleasure."  This minimizes the emphasis on performing and allows each partner to experience.  Not sure how to do that? Mindfulness, the practice of heightening one's awareness in the present moment, is a wonderful way to begin practicing how to experience any given moment without judgment.

Sex Is Only for The Young:  Aside from losing hair, collagen, and muscle many assume that aging also means losing all sexual desire.  Not necessarily! Many studies such as the one mentioned HERE have found that men & women well into their 70’s and 80’s report having and enjoying sex!  The decrease in sexual activity often has less to do with aging and is more likely a result of poor health or relationship conflict.  Plus, having a healthy and satisfying sex life in senior years has many benefits! It can lower levels of stress, boost immune systems, and lessen the chances of depression


The most important thing to remember is sex is not a one size fits all deal and it’s MUCH more than just an act one performs. Our sexuality is at the core of our being!  What matters most is discovering what works for you and your partner. Our physical, mental, and emotional health rely on our sexual health to be in balance for an optimal state of well-being. We hope that by dispelling some of these myths you will be better equipped to embrace your sexuality in a healthy, liberating way that honors YOU.

Be well & take good care of yourself.


DISCLAIMER:  THE RELATIONSHIP & SEXUAL WELLNESS CENTER blog is not intended to be a substitute for legal, ethical or medical consultation or for treatment and is strictly for educational and entertainment purposes.  Nothing found on the website or email is a substitute for professional psychological, psychiatric or medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.

 

 


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